The theme words for my life that I talked about in Part 1 (link) came to me without much work on my end, but I also chose those words, purposefully welcoming their influence into my life. My home church doesn't know it yet, but I'm hoping to have each of us share a word or phrase we want to claim for our lives in 2019 and then maybe a word or phrase for our group because in a small spiritual community, or home church, we can make it personal, we can expect active participation, and we can be faithful in checking up on one another.
This idea came to me while listening to episodes 196 (link) and 201 (link) of Gretchen Rubin's podcast, Happier. Gretchen is also the creator of my one-sentence journal. One might think that an English teacher would want to fill pages of a journal, but as my students will tell you, my motto is be precise and concise. For 2019, I'm sticking with Connection and Reflection as my theme. To my blog community, if you come up with a word or phrase you want to claim for 2019, please share it in the comments here or under my Facebook post. I can't wait to see the theme words and phrases you all chose for 2019!
2 Comments
I'm a word person. I savor a well-crafted sentence and adore finding the perfect word. Several years ago the word grateful filled my mind, daily influencing my outlook and decisions. I didn't know that word would become a sort of mantra for me, and I didn't know new words would eventually take its place. At the end of 2016, happy arrived. And early in 2018, a sentence moved in: Lead with love. Now, in the past month, my mind's reverberating words have again evolved, this time to connection and reflection.
I like to tell people that I desire to make my classroom a learning lab, not a grading gulag, and connection and reflection must be present for a learning lab to develop. This notion, however, is not limited to the classroom. I used to subscribe to the grading gulag mentality when assessing my own life. Sometimes I still do. But, I'm growing as I work each day to make my life a learning lab, and connection and reflection lead the way. As of late, beautiful examples of connection in my life have occurred because of this blog. Whether you have read it occasionally, sent me a message, or stopped to chat, thank you for entering into this conversation with me. The same might be said of reflection. This blog nurtures that in me, and perhaps in you too. To my blog community in this holiday season, may your spirit be filled with gratefulness and happiness, may you lead with love, and may you find connection and reflection that feeds your soul and brightens your life. Take care, Gina "If you were to die tonight, would you go to heaven or hell?" I hate to even type the words. Let me be clear. Heaven is not why I identify as a Christian. Heaven was the reason I said the sinner's prayer as a child after a day at Vacation Bible School. I was scared of hell. But, today I am not a Christian because of heaven or hell. In fact, even if the hope of heaven didn't exist after death, I'd still choose Christianity because I get a little taste of heaven right now, here on earth, as I admire God's creation and revel in the joy of love and community. I am not a Christian because of fear.
I am a Christian because I was born into a Christian family. If I had been born to a Hindu family in India, I'd probably be Hindu. If I had been born to a Muslim family in Iraq, I'd probably be Muslim. I am a Christian because it's an easy choice to make in my culture. A couple of months ago a friend told me that he can't bring himself to believe in the God he once followed. He is an atheist. I felt honored as he trusted me with his story, and I'm not sure I want to follow the God he has experienced either. Atheism is difficult where I live. I am also honored when my Muslim, Buddhist, and Hindu students teach me about their faith and practices.* Islam, Buddhism, and Hinduism are difficult where I live. More than anything, though, I am a Christian because I'm drawn to God and because Jesus' teachings about God and life have led me into a life I love and a life of love. That's not to say that other faiths don't contain wisdom that has inspired me; truth is truth is truth. But, my family and my culture led me to Jesus' wisdom--as well as Old Testament wisdom--that reverberates in my soul.
That is why I choose Christianity--even while leaving church. *By the way, I am grateful for policies that prohibit me from discussing my faith while serving as a teacher. Such policies don't bind me but free me. I've seen an awful awkwardness that can occur between people when strong beliefs come into play, I can't risk that as I attempt to inspire my students to become better communicators so that they have more options and opportunities in life. In addition, many think that faith can't be discussed in schools. Students may discuss their faith. My students often do. It's staff who should remain neutral and simply love our "neighbors" as ourselves. Every school year, I look forward to the day when a student brings the notion of communism into our literature discussion. It finally happened last Thursday as we talked about Malcolm Gladwell's book Outliers. Other years, the communism conversation has shown its face during Death of a Salesman, The Great Gatsby, and especially The Grapes of Wrath.
To some, moderating a discussion of communism's pros and cons in a room of thirty high school juniors sounds scary. It is. But, it's also exhilarating, and here's why.
What if churches were a safe place and brave place to pose more questions than answers? What if churches regularly practiced listening to people who believe differently? In both scenarios, would people develop a deeper ownership of their faith? I think so because that is my home church experience. We have lots of questions. We have different perspectives and interpretations. Our theology doesn't always match. But, that's okay because for us, our bond and our purpose boil down to this, a paraphrase of Mark 12:30-31, love God and love others. Many people embrace church because of the certainty it brings to their lives. Certainty, though, is the antithesis of faith. For me, the best part of faith is its mystery, is the unknown. For me, Mark 12:30-31 is all the certainty I want. In fact, too much certainty might just be why some of us are leaving church. I left church for a lot of reasons. The programming exhausted me. The self-inflicted guilt felt from not volunteering enough burdened me. The requirements for fitting in bothered me. The irony of feeling my most tired on the day of rest tortured me. But ultimately, it was a church's response to the LGBTQIA community that sealed the deal. In the spring of 2017, a 4th grader in our congregation transitioned in name and appearance from female to male. I wasn't surprised. His family, whom I knew but wasn't close with, penned a letter to some of the congregation to announce their child's transition, which commenced after a year-long process of discussion, research, prayer, and counseling, not to mention the years of struggle and disillusionment for the child since age 3. The night I heard about the letter, I sent a message to the child's mom: "Hi, ___! I'm just writing to let you know that you, ___, ___, and ___ have a friend in me. I have students and friends from all across the gender spectrum, and it's been my privilege and pleasure to be a part of their lives." The mom to whom I sent that message is now one of my dearest friends. Fortunately, many churches embrace the LGBTQIA community. In fact, a woman from my childhood church now makes ministry her profession and appears to have an amazing wife supporting her. Unfortunately, many LGBTQIA people and their families still struggle to find churches where they feel comfortable. The family from my former church left soon after their son's transition. Some in the church rallied around the family, spoke to leaders, and reached out with remarkable compassion. Others were painfully hurtful. Many were paralyzed and confused. They weren't ready to figure out how to interact with and tell their children about the child who was a girl but is now a boy. I, fortunately, had already given years of thought to the LGBTQIA community and the Christian faith. After all, as a public school teacher with two public school children, the LGBTQIA community is a part of us every day. My kids have known for a long time that their mom and dad are LGBTQIA allies. So, in the spring of 2017, I had it easy. I didn't have to figure anything out but how to wildly love this family. God knows they would need it. And, when too many in my church family weren't at the place where they could wildly love this family, I knew it was time to leave. I tried to stay to be a voice for the LGBTQIA community. I tried to have grace and patience for the people wrestling with how their convictions should best be demonstrated. Already worn down, I just wasn't strong enough. I needed respite from the spiritual disillusionment and stagnancy I'd been facing for years, so I left church to reclaim my spiritual energy and to walk more closely with my LGBTQIA friends who are very often leaving church too. Addition 2.9.20 Last night a dear friend invited me to explain how I came to this place. I'm grateful for people who seek to understand, and my hope is that I explained myself with clarity, patience, and reciprocated compassion. As a result of our dialogue, I've decided to provide a sort of works cited list that shows why more and more churches are becoming open and affirming.
|